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Following Jesus
Earthly Cross
His Name Is
Apostles Creed
Dealing with Feelings
Jonah
Get Real
Promised Land Living

Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105

(262) 763-3021

Email:
Pastor Scott Carson

Secretary Patti Hall

PASTOR'S PENS 2002

Grace Church of Burlington July 7, 2002 Two husbands were conversing and one said to the other, “You’re having an anniversary soon, right?” The other replied, “Yup, a big one...20 years.” “Wow,” said the other, “what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?” The other replied, “We’re going on a trip to Australia.” “Wow, Australia, that’s some gift!” said the other man. “That’s going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?” “Oh, I’ll probably go back and get her.” For far too many, even in the Church, marriage is something to be endured rather than enjoyed. Actress Katharine Hepburn echoed this sentiment when she said, “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” This past week Jane and I celebrated our 19th Wedding Anniversary. Our marriage is by no means perfect but we do truly love one another and are very happy with one another. While I won’t overwhelm you with “Nineteen Lessons from a Nineteen Year Marriage,” let me share three lessons that I believe have given us a very fulfilling marriage. 1)  Happiness is an inside job. Jane can’t make me happy and I can’t make her happy. Happiness is truly a personal choice. Though, one of us can affect the atmosphere of the home, and by our attitudes and actions, make things much more pleasant. However, in the end, one is only as happy as one chooses to be. Hollywood is a lamentable example of individuals who have it all - fame, popularity, money, power, beauty - yet it is very rare to find a happily married couple in Hollywood. Joy comes from the inside out and is a work of the Spirit within us. Chronic complaining or discontent with our mate is an indication of a personal issue, not a marital one. If I choose to be unhappy, I am also adding to the level of discontent in the home rather than being a contributor to the joy in the home. Over the years I’ve found that if I’m happy, it’s amazing how much happier everyone around me is...go figure. J 2)  Speaking the truth in love is essential (Eph. 4:15). It takes both work and risk to problem solve. Some spouses seem to believe that there is a “martyr’s crown” for suffering in silence…. There’s not. If you have issues with your spouse, (hurt, unresolved problems, bitterness), then Biblically, it is your responsibility to share them with your spouse.  In a healthy marriage, the couple should be best friends. Proverbs informs us that “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (27:6). I am not being my spouse’s friend if I do not share with them things that hurt me or areas that will assist them in their own spiritual walk. Failing to lovingly speak the truth is choosing perceived personal peace over growth and intimacy. It is also settling for marital mediocrity. 3) The simple and small are more important than the big. Happiness is not environmental and even the marriage environment cannot bring happiness. A lot of couples believe if they had that “house” or went on that “dream vacation,” then they would finally be happy. And they keep adding “things.” A simple life with both spouses seeking to please God is the key to marital bliss. Adam and Eve had each other and a perfect relationship with God - and they had the perfect marriage - until they wanted more. If we would learn to be content with what we already have, we’d be amazed at how much satisfaction we’d have in our marriage. While Jane and I don’t have a perfect marriage, given the choice, though, I’d marry her again and again. God wants us to have fulfilling marriages. Many don’t have that because they are looking for marital bliss on the outside, overlooking the reality that marital satisfaction starts with ME.