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Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
(262) 763-3021
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Pastor Scott Carson
Grace Church of Burlington
January 19, 2003
"I’ve had this conversation before...and I’m sure I’ll have it again!"
Recently, my youngest informed me that he felt that he was getting too old for our Children’s Music Club. To put it simply, Aaron feels too old and mature for CMC, or in his vernacular, he’s a little "bored."
It was an opportunity, though, to have a conversation about normal transitions. Every child matures to a point where they no longer feel comfortable in the nursery and they move into toddlers. They then move from toddlers to pre-school, and then on to Kindergarten, Junior High, High School, College, Adulthood, etc. Gail Sheehy wrote a best selling book entitled Passages about these transitions in adulthood. So my conversation with Aaron was not exactly earth shattering. Western civilization from antiquity to the present has sought to divide human life into ages and stages.
I shared with Aaron that his feelings were normal. It was part of the cycle of maturation and that he would go through this several times, as he already had, before he became an adult. And that his sister, though she was at a different stage, was feeling similar feelings as a senior in high school.
Though these are normal feelings for children, in my mind, the problem happens when well-meaning parents do not respond well. All of us want our children to be happy. The temptation, though, because we love our children so much, is to attempt to change anything that makes them unhappy. That usually is a serious blunder. Obviously, there will be exceptions and individualization needs to be considered. If, though, I pushed for Aaron to be in Junior High before the scheduled time, I am failing to teach him to learn to the vital character trait of waiting. It is of such value that patience is a spiritual fruit. We live in an insatiable culture. People have been foolishly taught that they can have whatever they want from sex to that new car right now – without any waiting. That’s why we have such a huge consumer debt problem. Individuals have never been taught to save and wait. Immorality is rampant because people have not been taught to wait for sexual intimacy until there is commitment and marriage.
The second lesson that Aaron would miss is the opportunity to learn contentment in his present circumstances. We live in an unhappy world. But for most, unhappiness is self-inflicted. They have never learned to be content and satisfied with the present and with what they already possess. And the American economy is driven by this discontent. We are a nation of consumers. For the Christian, though, this is wrong. God wants us to mature and learn to be content with what we have, our marriages, our children, homes, etc., because He has given them to us. We have a rampant divorce rate because we have childish adults who have never learned to be content.
Finally, Aaron needs to learn commitment and perseverance. Our’s is a bail-out world. If a marriage is tough or you are just no longer happy, then bail. We do that with our friendships, our jobs and even our churches. It takes character to be committed and persevere, even when it is uncomfortable.
If you are a parent, you are going to have the same conversation. Are you going to let your child have the easy route, or will you instead teach them that this temporary discomfort is normal and has long-range benefits? There are times to adapt and make changes but most of us need to get a perspective on the big picture. Oftentimes loving our children means that we let them endure some discomfort and even some pain for their long-term spiritual growth and emotional health.