Ministries:
Adult | Teens | Children

Pastor's Pen's:
2008 | 2007 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003 | 2002 | 2001

Sermon Series:
Following Jesus
Earthly Cross
His Name Is
Apostles Creed
Dealing with Feelings
Jonah
Get Real
Promised Land Living

Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105

(262) 763-3021

Email:
Pastor Scott Carson

Secretary Patti Hall

PASTOR'S PENS 2003

Grace Church of Burlington March 2, 2003 “Anger is never without an argument, but seldom with a good one." George Savile             Last Sunday in our new series, Dealing with Feelings, we discussed how we can be liberated from the problem of anger.  Many times the struggle with anger is not ours, it’s our spouses or child’s, or someone else’s that we care about and whom we continually interrelate with.  How do you live with an angry person?             Those who live with an angry person typically feel like they are living in the midst of a minefield.  They’re never quite sure what might set off an explosion.  They may find themselves paralyzed or tiptoeing through life.  But that is not how God wants us to live.  We are also enabling the angry person to continue their behavior because there is no motivation for them to change.  We have settled for "peace at any cost."  So how do you live with an angry person?             a) Always be safe.  Do not tolerate someone striking you or throwing things at you.  If you are fearful about your physical safety, leave.  Stay with family or friends.  Or, insist that they leave.  An angry person who is out of control needs professional help.  Insist that they get it and do not back down.             b) Do not enable angry behavior.   If you live with someone who has an anger issue, do not cover for them.  Don’t call school or work for them to have them excused, saying that they are "ill today."  If they can’t handle those pressures, they need to make their own phone calls.  Don’t intercede on their behalf or cover for them if they’ve caused a scene.  Let them face the consequences of their own behavioral choices...or they will never change.  And please don’t lie about why they aren’t at church or other social events.  A simple, "he/she has some issues that he/she is dealing with right now and is not here" is sufficient.  To put it simply, if your spouse has an anger issue, do not parent them. Be their friend, not their parent.             Also, never lie to your children, particularly older children, about a parent’s anger.  When a parent is angry, a child often concludes that they are the problem.  They need to know that Mom or Dad is struggling with anger and it is not the child’s fault.  You can encourage them to love and pray for the parent.             c) Appreciate and affirm them.  For someone with a serious anger issue, little steps forward are giant leaps.  Anger is oftentimes a cover for deep insecurity.  Their small steps need to be acknowledged and affirmed.  Many angry people have had little or no praise.  They may be starved for affirmation.  Look for little things that they are doing right, and let them know over and over and over and over again.  They probably will not hear it the first or second time.  You may have to write them note after note.  Their internal negative messages are so loud, you must nearly shout to be heard over them.  Most angry individuals are first angry at themselves and do not see themselves as God sees them.  Ask the Lord to help you to be Jesus to them.             d) Do not be pulled into a volcano.   If someone is acting irrationally or out of control, do not fall into their irrationality.  Arguing with someone who is out of control is similar to arguing with a drunk.  It’s a waste of time.  Kindly and graciously say, "I can see that you are really upset right now. When you are feeling better, I’d love to discuss problem-solving options with you."  Then, end the discussion.  If you have to, leave the room or even the house.             e) Give them space.   Too often peace-loving individuals marry angry ones.  Peace-loving individuals are deeply bothered when someone is unhappy, so they try to solve it, usually making it worse.  They may even follow the angry person around like a lost puppy.  They will do nearly anything to bring about peace.  Usually, the best thing that you can do for an angry person is to let them burn their own anger out and quiet themselves down.  Also, pay attention to times when there is no anger and seek to build on those healthy periods.             f) Pray for wisdom.   All of these are suggestions, not absolutes.  Dealing with an angry person is not some magic formula.  God has promised, though, to give us both grace and wisdom in every situation.  Depend on Him as you work with angry individuals and He will always meet your needs.