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Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
(262) 763-3021
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Pastor Scott Carson
Grace Church of Burlington
April 6, 2003
"Even if you can't prevent another's sorrow, caring will lessen it." Frank A. Clark
Last Sunday we focused on How to Defeat Depression. Because of time constraints, I wasn’t able to share "How to help a depressed person."
One feeling that is so common to parents, spouses and siblings of the person who is depressed is impatience. They wonder if it will ever end or how long it is going to take their loved one to pull out of their fog. There is a feeling of helplessness and sometimes frustration because of the inconvenience and disruption in the normal routine. Though these are normal feelings, they are rarely helpful. So, how can we minister to depressed individuals?
1) Empathize. Matthew 7:12 says, "...do to others what you would have them do to you..." Picture the depressed person down in a deep pit. This pit is dark, cold and very isolated. It is frighteningly lonely. There are no handholds or footholds to escape. There seems to be no way of escape. This is how it feels when a person has sunk into the depths of depression. A starting point for ministering to them is to feel for them.
2) Care & Prayer. What can you say to a depressed person? Simply, "I care for you and I’m available. I want to help you." Let them know that while you may not understand all that they are going through, God does, and you are praying for them. We may never know what our prayers for and with depressed individuals will do for them. When they have lost hope, we need to share ours. If they have lost faith, they need our faith to sustain them.
3) Listen. Be willing to listen when the depressed person wants to talk. Don’t attempt to be their therapist, just be someone who they can really talk to and who truly hears them. Advice giving usually isn’t helpful, particularly in the form of quoting Scripture or spiritual "guilt" trips on the person. Usually, they already feel frustrated and guilty. This only adds confusion and guilt. While you may not understand, convey to the person that they are truly being heard.
4) Stick to the routine. Continue the family schedule and routine as long as the structure is healthy and reasonable. Meals should be at normal times. Times for getting up and going to bed should remain generally as they have been. Keep up family activities and recreation and include the depressed person, if they are willing, in social events that are part of family activities. While there is often a tendency for the depressed person to want to withdraw or sleep continuously, normal family expectations and familiar patterns will encourage the depressed person to stay involved. And a stable, normal home atmosphere helps the family as well as the person suffering from depression.
5) Watch out. Be aware of suicidal talk or attempts. A depressed person’s family needs to be aware of this possibility. Any hints or allusions to suicide should be talked about. It helps to bring it out in the open and talk it out. Usually women will make more suicide attempts than men, but men are more likely to be successful. If it is serious enough, seek professional help so that they do not harm themselves. It would be better to have them hospitalized and angry at you, than to harm or kill themselves.
6) See a physician. If the depression is persistent, get the individual to a doctor. There may be physiological causes to the depression that can be easily remedied. Don’t let depression go on and on. As long as you tolerate your loved one’s depression, you are helping to maintain it. Assist them in getting professional help. In their fog of depression they are probably unmotivated and have difficulty making decisions. This is where concerned family members can help. Gently walk with them through the steps that they need to take so they obtain the help that they need.
7) Give your total support. Let them know that you love them and that you will get through this together. And please don’t avoid them. This only further isolates them and could even make them worse. A depressed person needs security. This is a wonderful opportunity to be "Jesus" to them. As Jesus walks with us through our valleys, walk with your loved one through theirs.