Ministries:
Adult | Teens | Children

Pastor's Pen's:
2008 | 2007 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003 | 2002 | 2001

Sermon Series:
Following Jesus
Earthly Cross
His Name Is
Apostles Creed
Dealing with Feelings
Jonah
Get Real
Promised Land Living

Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105

(262) 763-3021

Email:
Pastor Scott Carson

Secretary Patti Hall

PASTOR'S PENS 2003

Grace Church of Burlington June 29, 2003 "Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up."   Joseph Barth             Odds-makers say the chances are five in ten that a marriage will end in divorce. If one or both partners are still teenagers, they say the odds for divorce are even higher. If either partner witnessed an unhappy marriage in their home, the odds increase again. If one or both partners come from broken homes, the odds rise even higher. If either partner has been divorced, the odds soar. If there has been sexual involvement prior to marriage, if the couple has lived together or if either or both partners abuse alcohol or drugs, the odds skyrocket.             Regardless of your marriage "odds," let me ask a soul-searching question for you that will help you beat them. Honestly ask yourself this: How would I like to be married to me? That simple question can do more to help you ensure the success of your relationship than just about anything else. Think about it. How would you honestly rate you as a partner? Are you easy to live with? What are the spiritual fruits that you bring to your marriage? What are the positive qualities you bring to your relationship?             Most of us need to learn anew the lesson Paul wrote about in 2 Corinthians: "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise" (10:12). When it comes to our sinful behaviors or other character flaws, we tend to compare ourselves to "bottom feeders," those who have real issues. For example, if someone has a spending problem which causes tension in their marriage, that person will compare themselves with someone who has a greater problem than they do. They will then rationalize and make themselves feel good, "I know I have a problem but at least I’m not as bad as...." According to Paul, that’s the reasoning of a fool.             Every relationship is unique, and while there is no definitive list of qualities that describe good partners, consider some of the traits that show up again and again in studies of healthy marriages. Research, for example, has shown that partners who are easy to live with feel good about themselves. They like themselves. They are generally happy. They are not unduly concerned over the impression they make on others. They can throw back their heads, breathe deeply, and enjoy life. They don’t get stressed easy.             This kind of person is described in Galatians: "…he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else" (6:4).  People who make good lifelong marriage partners are able to pass over minor offenses and injustices. In other words, they are not easily offended (Romans 14:20; Proverbs 17:9). Some spouses punish their partner with time in the penalty box for the ordinary bruises that happen to people who play the game. They give their spouse the cold shoulder or even the "silent treatment." Usually, it’s over some minor infraction.             Then, partners who are easy to live with are cooperative. They get along. They understand what the psalmist meant in saying, "How good and pleasant is it to live together in unity" (133:1). They maintain an even and stable emotional tone. They don’t swing between extremes. Nobody is attracted to an uncontrollable temper (James 1:19-20). Living with a hothead is like living in a minefield...you’re never quite sure which step will bring an explosion.             Good spouses communicate their needs openly and honestly (Eph. 4:15). What they say is in sync with how they feel and what they want. They do not mask their feelings to protect their pride or even to avoid hurting their partner's feelings. They don’t have hidden agendas. They also do not expect their mate "to figure out what they need or want." They realize that their mate is not psychic. Instead, they share their innermost thoughts, feelings and desires, the good and the bad (Col. 3:12).             None of us are perfect nor do we have every trait necessary for a successful marriage. No one does. But each of us can pray with the psalmist: "Search me, O God, and know my heart" (139:23). By searching your own soul, by questioning your own character, and by becoming easy to live with, you will exponentially increase the probability of building a marriage that will last.             Paul said that people who are easy to live with shine like stars in the universe (Phil. 2:15). So be a marital star! There are enough marital mud dwellers among pagans. God wants His children to be stars. Marriage is one of the best places to demonstrate your heavenly aptitude and Christ-likeness.