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Sermon Series:
Following Jesus
Earthly Cross
His Name Is
Apostles Creed
Dealing with Feelings
Jonah
Get Real
Promised Land Living

Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105

(262) 763-3021

Email:
Pastor Scott Carson

Secretary Patti Hall

PASTOR'S PENS 2005

Grace Church of Burlington January 2, 2005 "Good habits are as easy to form as bad ones."     Tim McCarver While you’re making some New Year’s resolutions . . . consider making some verbal habit changes for the coming year. The detrimental impact of negative words is obvious. The first part of Ephesians 4:29 commands us, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.” But that's not enough. We humans cannot survive with only the absence of the negative. We require a regular diet of encouraging, positive words. Without it, our spirit and our relationships with our spouses, children, friends and fellow believers — wither.             As Celeste Holm so aptly put it, "We live by encouragement and die without it-slowly, sadly, angrily." That’s reason enough to make this habit a full-time one!             Encouragement is perhaps the finest gift we ever give to a relationship and to the ones we love. The words used to build someone up are the fuel taking them to their full potential. Sydney Madwed said it best: "If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the wildest dreams. We would have more than one Einstein, Edison, Schweitzer, Mother Teresa, Dr. Salk, and other great minds in a century."             Whether that is true or not, one thing is certain. Encouragement is sure to help your relationship run more smoothly.  It lowers the defenses of those around you. It makes meaningful connections more common. It sets the stage for a stronger commitment to each other. It is difficult to exaggerate the value of this healthy habit. So uncover the “sweet spot of praise” in those that you care about this coming year.             If you really want this healthy habit to make a difference, you're going to need to accurately understand what makes your loved one feel affirmed. It's not enough to toss out compliments. "Thanks for dinner" isn't going to cut it. Of course, you don’t want to give that up, but you’re going to need to go deeper.             What is it that your spouse, child or friend really wants to hear from you? Is it that she's a good cook? Maybe. Is it that he's a good driver? Maybe. But maybe those you care about are longing to hear something else. Maybe she wants to know that you admire the way she volunteers to help out or her gift for decorating. Maybe he's dying to be noticed for how he interacts with children or how he's earned a great position in his company.             The things you currently praise your loved one for may not matter as much to him or her as other things. She may feel quite confident in her cooking ability but more insecure about the good she does as a volunteer. He may not give a rip about his driving, but he takes great pride in being a good father. Most of us do not need a lot encouragement in our strengths but we do in our weaknesses.             Unfortunately, the very areas in which we need the most encouragement are usually the areas in which we get the most negative feedback from those who should be our greatest encouragers. For example, if a husband struggles to spend time with the kids, and does, he should be affirmed instead of criticized when he doesn’t. Or, if a wife struggles to be organized. Again, when she does succeed even in a small way, she needs affirmation. But usually, it is only when she fails “again” that she will be noticed. The same is true with our children, friends and fellow believers.             An unsaved cruel world attacks our weak spots. But as believers, we must be encouragers. People do not grow by being ridiculed or shamed. They grow by being encouraged and supported.             The most meaningful admiration in our relationships comes from a sincere heart that notices what really matters to the person that we care about. That’s what those we love really value. So ask yourself what he or she feels most insecure about, and discover what he or she values. That’s the “sweet spot” of praise in your spouse or child. The more you affirm it, the more you admire it, the more on target this healthy habit will be. You also encourage what you praise.             While there are times that we need to “speak the truth in love” and give constructive criticism, let’s just make sure that it truly is “constructive criticism.” Let’s determine too that we will be known more for our words of encouragement than our words of criticism and discouragement! That’s what it means to say “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29b).