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Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105

(262) 763-3021

Email:
Pastor Scott Carson

Secretary Patti Hall

PASTOR'S PENS 2006

Grace Church of Burlington February 5, 2006   “Good fences make good marriages.”             This past week there were two dogs running loose and they were bothering some children. I decided to be a Boy Scout, grab them, put them in the fence and then have them picked up by animal control (neither of them had  collars on). The larger one was easy to trick and get inside the fence but the smaller one wasn’t going to be corralled. After about twenty minutes I gave up this futile attempt at a rescue operation. As they ran off down the street, I hoped that I would not see them later dead or hurt in the middle of the road.             Most of us are like those two dogs. We don’t like restraints. We like to do whatever we want, whenever we want. That kind of thinking is anti-biblical. One of the reasons that God designed the local church is for it to be a place of spiritual accountability. Those “fences” help protect us from the Adversary. Healthy marriages also need some thought out, designed fences. Sometimes we start out our marriages with them, but over time, we’ve let some holes develop or even left the gate wide open. Marital fences are in our best interest.             A) Be careful about time spent with anyone of the opposite sex. Sometimes our work circumstances demand it but try to avoid it. I’ve made it a policy over the years to never be alone in a car or a home with a woman. If I’m meeting her husband, I’ll either wait outside or in my car. I won’t meet a woman alone at a restaurant. If I have to do counseling alone, I make sure that either Jane or Patti knows...and often both know. I’m even careful about prolonged conversations at church with someone of the opposite sex. Let’s be honest, there are some individuals that we seem to click with. We can even look at them like a sibling but even then we need to be careful. We also do not want to be a stumbling block for our spouse by sowing seeds of jealousy.               B) Be careful about being too touchy. A friend of mine recently had to resign his ministry for being too “touchy.” Social customs continually change. Most of us also base our preferences in this area on what we were raised with. For example, Jane’s family kisses on the lips. That was one custom that I knew was going to change when we got married ☺. (I don’t care if the Bible does talk about “holy kisses.”) Personally, I’m not comfortable with even a kiss on the cheek from anyone other than my family. And hugs need to be neck hugs, never full body ones. Even a hand on the arm or shoulder can be misinterpreted. We just need to be very wise and not even give an appearance of evil or do something that can be misinterpreted.             C) Be careful about being too complimentary. My family has a fashion and retail background, as a result I tend to notice clothes, hair styles and anything to do with fashion. It was part of my formative years so I come by it naturally... What I try not to do is to is verbally acknowledge it. Now, perhaps, you’re thinking, “Why not? Isn’t that just being nice?” Yes, but the sad fact is that many spouses in their marriage do not receive enough affirmation or praise. Too often in our marriages we criticize, complain and compare...but a sad twist of the old song is that “never is heard an encouraging word.” So anyone who notices and compliments can easily become very attractive to a spouse who is very thirsty for affirmation. Part of the solution is that we have to make sure that we are filling our mate’s need for verbal strokes. The other side is that we must be very careful not to do the same for someone else’s mate. On top of that, a lost world notices the physical. In the church, if we are going to notice anything, it ought to be the spiritual. If you are going to affirm something, affirm character – how kind someone is, how thoughtful they are, etc. If anyone should be noticing the fruits of the Spirit, it should be us.             D) Be careful about being too empathetic...particularly about marital issues. All of us love to have someone listen to us and encourage us. And all of us have issues, whether small or large in our marriage. We need to be very, very careful that we do not listen too sympathetically to someone from the opposite sex about concerns in their marriage. In naivete and out of compassion, we may be setting both ourselves and them up for adultery. Scripture is very clear that sin almost always starts very innocently. If a Christian brother or sister of the opposite sex continually shares their marital issues with you, encourage them to see a professional and to even seek martial counseling.             Our marriages can be very fragile. It doesn’t take much to destroy them. What appears innocent can too often end up in tragedy!! So, let’s be careful and if you see someone who is headed down a dangerous path in their marriage, then as a fellow-believer, do the tough thing – warn them! Speak the truth in love and you may prevent a truckload of heartache!