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Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
(262) 763-3021
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Pastor Scott Carson
Grace Church of Burlington
February 19, 2007
“Do not be afraid of showing your affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Men are more helped by sympathy, than by service; love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.” John Lubboc
1 Peter 3:7 commands us to “be considerate” as we live with our spouses. If there ever was an ability that’s not an inborn skill, it’s this one. We only learn it through patient practice. It means studying each other closely enough to know what helps and what hurts the other. It means taking time to accumulate the insights that we need so we can have empathy for each other. Most of us start out considerate but our levels of thoughtfulness deteriorate over time (And singles, if the person whom you are dating is not considerate before marriage, they will rarely get better after marriage). Let me suggest some ways to be considerate of our mates:
1. Be exceptionally careful in all your responses to your spouse when you’re in a hurry, are extremely tired, or have just had an accident of some kind. These are times when husbands and wives tend to "blow their tops" with each other in a way that, upon later reflection, proves foolish and unwise.
2. Do not make big decisions without careful consultation with your partner. Unilateral (one-sided) decisions at home, at work, or at church are inconsiderate of the people who have to help carry the burden of putting the decision into action. Decisions such as quitting your job, buying a car, taking a long trip, or making commitments to friends and relatives that involve your partner all call for prior consultation together.
3. Make very careful note of the things that delight and please your partner. If he likes to cool down in the evening before talking, give him some space. If she likes to eat at a particular restaurant, suggest that one first. If he does not like receptions and large parties, check with him before committing him to go with you. If either partner is terribly upset about a particular kind of sexual activity, search for a kind he or she is more comfortable with. Considerateness requires a steadfast commitment to your partner's comfort and happiness.
4. Keep your promises quickly. Many married people complain of nagging spouses, but few confess their own procrastination, which can be a kind of passive hostility. Most often it is preoccupation with whatever you are doing that causes you to forget your partner's request. It’s a good practice, as much as possible, to do what your partner asks in a timely manner after he or she asks it. It communicates to our spouse that they are a low priority when we forget about it, have to be reminded of it repeatedly, and finally do it in a rage. Making our mate’s desires a top priority is the essence of being thoughtful.
5. Clean up your own messes as soon as you’ve made them. Nobody likes cleaning up someone else’s messes. Clothes left on the floor, dishes left on a counter, tools left out are all enormous irritants to the spouse who has to walk around them, stumble over them, push them aside, or pick them up. Instead of leaving a mess, clean it up...this is a quiet way of showing your considerateness. Studies of people living together in small communes show that these experiments in human living tend to succeed or fail depending on the level of the members’ willingness to do their share of the menial tasks–that is, their willingness to be considerate of others. Husbands and wives are the same way. Messes may seem trivial, but they can undermine marital happiness.
6. Clarify your own perceptions of your partner's words or behavior before you fly off the handle. Is there something he or she knows about the situation that you don't know? Situation comedies are often built around pieces of information that one person has which the other does not. Could there be another interpretation of your partner's intentions? Before responding in an inconsiderate way, or withdrawing to pout, ask your mate: "When you said this (or did that), what did you mean by it? It puzzled me." It is far more considerate to be puzzled than to throw a tantrum.
7. Live a self-emptying life in relation to each other. Take the other person's form and spirit into yourself and practice seeing, feeling, and experiencing the world as he or she does. Ask God's strength to love your partner as he or she is. Ask that your love for each other will increase as your understanding increases, and that you will be united in Christ's love for both of you.
8. Don’t just read this, do it!! Too many of us know the right information but we don’t do it. This week determine to be more thoughtful and considerate of your spouse. Do something that you know will really please them!! Do it as unto the Lord in service and honor to Him!