257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
(262) 763-3021
We have purchased land on Highways A & W and are planning to build soon!
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Grace Church of Burlington
June 1, 2008
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads
which sew people together through the years.” Simone SignoretWomen’s Conference speaker and author, Jill Savage, shared that a young mom chatted with her after a conference. “Have you ever thought about having a conference for stay-at-home dads?” she asked. "There's a stay-at-home dad in our neighborhood who's become my best friend. We take the kids to the park, shop, and even do our once-a-month cooking together. He's a great guy!" Jill Savage said that sirens, whistles, and red flags went off in her head. She wanted to scream, "No! Don't be naive. Remove the blinders! Put boundaries in place and build a hedge of protection around your marriage!" But it was very obvious that this young wife had no idea about the danger of this seemingly harmless situation.
Sadly, the story is nearly always the same – an unfaithful spouse develops a relationship that started as an innocent friendship. It was someone to talk to who listened and cared. Too quickly boundaries are crossed and another marriage is on the rocks. Each of us must recognize the need to establish boundaries in our personal lives that exist specifically to keep temptation at bay. That’s because God’s Word tells us that "each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death" (James 1:14-15). Temptation, enticement, desire, sin, death...those are the steps infidelity takes. Because of that, we have to put boundaries in place that keep us from stepping into situations where temptation can take place. Each time we make one advance decision to protect our marriage we are on our way to building a marriage that is marked by faithfulness and on its way to lasting a lifetime. So what are some boundaries that all of us need to protect our marriages?
Boundary #1: Choose wisely. Avoid unnecessarily spending time with someone of the opposite sex. For instance, if you're looking for a personal trainer at the local gym, choose someone of the same sex.
Boundary #2: Share carefully. If you find yourself sharing things about yourself or your marriage that you haven't or wouldn't share with your spouse, that's a red flag. Not all affairs are physical - an emotional affair is just as damaging.
Boundary #3: Stay in large, public settings. Determine not to meet one-on-one with anyone of the opposite sex. If your coworker asks if he/she can join you for lunch, ask a third person to join you as well. If necessary, don't hesitate to share the boundary you and your spouse have agreed upon in your marriage. You just might lead by example.
Boundary #4: Don't be naive. Most people who end up in affairs don't typically set out to have one. Infidelity often begins with an innocent relationship that, in time, moves to an emotional depth that crosses a line of fidelity.
Boundary #5: Increase your investment at home. Solid marriages are built by spending time together, laughing together, and playing together. If you aren't dating your mate, set up dates for the coming months and make spending time together a priority.
Boundary #6: Pay attention to your thought-life. When all you think about is your spouse's faults, any other man or woman will look better. Make a list of the strengths that initially attracted you to your spouse. Increase encouragement and decrease criticism.
Boundary #7: Don't play the comparison game. We all make mistakes, have bad habits and annoying behaviors. When we compare a "new friend" to our spouse, it's an unfair comparison because we aren't seeing that person in a "living under the same roof, taking care of kids at 3 a.m., struggling to make ends meet" reality.
Boundary #8: Seek help. This is probably the toughest one, pride dies hard. We hate to admit that we need help. But seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A Christian counselor can often provide valuable perspective and help set new strategies for a marriage that can go the distance. Tragically, most couples with problems in their marriage wait until the marriage is in cardiac arrest before seeking help...and often then it is too late.
Healthy marriages do not just happen, they have to be worked at. Are you working on yours?