257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
(262) 763-3021
We have purchased land on Highways A & W and are planning to build soon!
Drive by and take a look at our future home!
Grace Church of Burlington
June 8, 2008
“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.
That will be the beginning.” Louis L'AmourI’m at the stage of life when I frequently hear of a friend who’s been diagnosed with cancer, heart disease or some other debilitating illness. Their chances of survival and living a normal life depends primarily on one thing – early detection. If the individual has had regular check-ups and were being tested for the typical maladies of middle age, they have a much higher potential of a positive outcome. Those who waited, procrastinated on check-ups or ignored symptoms often pay for it with their lives. Sadly, disease is not the only big “D” word inflicting middle age. The other big “D” word is divorce. Again, the solution is early detection and intervention. Healthy marriages are vital to our society, our culture and churches. Marriage is the very first institution God created, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Do you want to know when most people seek help for their marriage? After one spouse has either had an affair or already filed for divorce. Sometimes the marriage can still be saved but the remedy is a lot more painful and invasive. If you think your marriage is in trouble, it probably is. Every marriage relationship is unique, but there are common warning signs that indicate problems in the marriage.
What are some warning signs your marriage is in trouble? * The two of you bicker a lot. * You have separate lives and are withdrawing from one another. * You rarely have fun together. * It’s unusual when you have something nice to say to one another. * You habitually complain about your mate to others. * You don't talk with one another about your problems. * You don't respect one another. * You can't agree on child rearing, goals and even basic values. * You don't trust one another and feel suspicious. * The level of sexual intimacy in your marriage is low. * Teasing has devolved into sarcasm, has an edge and is hurtful. * Your spouse tries to isolate you from your family and friends. * You’re happier when your spouse is away from home for an afternoon, a meeting or for a business trip. * There is either emotional and/or physical abuse in your marriage. * One of you, or both, has been unfaithful.
Having any those symptoms is like finding a lump on your body where it shouldn’t be. Most of us quickly go to the doctor if there’s a physical concern yet procrastinate and go into denial when there are marital issues...until it is often too late. As your pastor, let me beg you – Please don't wait to seek professional help. To receive the most from marriage counseling, don't wait until your marriage is beyond repair to get professional help.
What would you do to save your child? If you knew that your child had a serious disease, what lengths would you go to...just to save your child’s life? Would there be a spending limit? Would you be willing to travel great distances, just so your child’s life could be spared? What about inconvenience...how much would you be willing to put up with for the sake of your child? Scripture always gives priority to the needs of a marriage before the needs of our children. But while we’ll do virtually anything for our children, we drag our feet when it comes to the health of our marriages. What are some typical excuses for not getting help?
* We’re going through a phase and can work it out. Many couples convince themselves of this. And sometimes they can work it out themselves, usually they can’t.
* We don’t want to be embarrassed by having someone else know our problems. None of us enjoy those flimsy gowns at the doctor’s office, yet we still get checked out to see if something is seriously wrong.
* We can’t afford it. This is usually accompanied by our insurance won’t cover it. It’s putting a price tag on the marriage. When something is important to us, we always find money for it. Divorce is a lot costlier than marital counseling, financially and emotionally.
* My mate won’t go. You’re an adult, so go by yourself. At least then you can work on your half of the marriage. You might also gently tell your spouse that you’re going for counseling and would like for them to go too so that the counselor can hear their side and objectively suggest solutions.
* We went for counseling once and it didn’t help. If you had one bad mechanic, would you stop driving? Like every other area of life, there are good counselors and there are bad ones. Don’t give up just because you had one lemon.
Let me end with two thoughts. 1) As a believer, if you have a Christian friend who is constantly struggling with their marriage, you have a Biblical responsibility to encourage them to seek help. 2) Want to know the ultimate test to determine if you need marital counseling? Would you want your children to have a marriage like yours? Our children are primarily learning about marriage from us. If you would not want them to have a marriage like yours, then for their sake and yours – please get help!