Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105

(262) 763-3021

PASTOR'S PENS 2008

Grace Church of Burlington June 15, 2008 “Respect a man, and he will do all the more.”      John Wooden             Ever since Paramount released the Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want, interest seems to have skyrocketed in finding out the "inside scoop" on what the opposite sex truly wants and desires. Perhaps you’ve seen some of the surveys on this topic that have been circulating. So what would you guess is at the top of most husbands’ lists of things they want from their wives? Sex, right? That’s most people’s guess. In today’s cultural climate it's easy to assume that sex dominates every man’s thoughts. While sex does rank high on most husbands' want lists, if you ask men what they want first and foremost from their wives, the majority will not say, "Sex." They'll answer, "Respect."             The Apostle Paul wouldn't be surprised by that response. In Ephesians 5:33 he encouraged husbands to love their wives and then for wives to respect their husbands. Under the inspiration of the Spirit of God Paul knew what men and women really, truly want from one another. Most wives desire above all to be honestly and completely loved by their husbands and Paul recognized that men need to be reminded of that. Husbands sometimes get busy with their work or involved in their hobbies and lose their focus on loving their wives -- or at least become distracted from showing it.             When a wife respects, nurtures, and affirms her husband, it deepens her love for him. Yet when we don’t regard something as valuable or we neglect it, our feelings for it begin to wane. At the top of men’s list of needs is respect from their wives. God created men that way. A husband needs respect as much from his wife as he needs air to breathe. And a man who doesn’t receive respect from his wife is a man who begins to wither on the inside. He’s ok as long as no one is standing on the air hose running to his internal tank labeled Respect.             A wise woman once said, “If you want a truly fine husband, respect him at the level at which you want him to reach. A man will usually not rise above the level at which his wife  respects him.” Please understand that this is just a general principle because God does not put accountability or responsibility for a man’s character on his wife. But there is strong evidence that indicates a man’s wife holds great power to make or break her husband. In his best selling book, His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley amends the saying “Behind every great man is a great woman” to “Behind every great man is an admiring wife.”             The longer that we are married, the easier it is for a woman to start losing respect for her husband. She knows that his public image does not always line up with his private one. There is also the tendency to idealize. If her husband does not line up with her picture of who he should be, a wife is often disappointed and she begins to communicate a lack of respect. Or, if she has been hurt by her husband, while she is typically physically weaker than he is, she can dish out payback at him in her attitude and verbal jabs about his job, appearance, bad habits, etc.             So why do you think Paul considered it necessary to tell wives to respect their husbands?  Could it be that it is far too easy for a wife to slip out of respecting her husbands and begin nitpicking and dwelling on his weaknesses? Paul delivered to wives a divine reminder: respect, respect, respect. Respect is not only what a husband wants; it's what a marriage needs. A wife who shows respect to her husband encourages her marriage to run smoothly and allows her spouse to become all that he ought to be.             Please notice that Paul didn't say, "If a husband loves his wife, then the wife can respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33 is not an "if...then" proposition. Even if a husband doesn't seem to do his part, a wife must still do hers. The good news is, when one spouse does his/her part, the other spouse frequently follows. A wife is wrong to wait for her husband to demonstrate love before she acts. She needs to obey God’s Word and show respect anyway.             How can a wife show respect for her husband? Here are just a few examples: Express faith in his decisions and ability. Leave him notes (men respond better to the written word) that tell him how much you value who he is as a person (and sometimes for his work). If he botches a task at home, don’t sigh, roll your eyes, and mutter at him; instead, thank him for trying.  Make positive suggestions without demanding an immediate answer. Ask him to reflect on it for a while. Listen to his upsets and don’t take his anger personally. Let him vent when he needs to. Encourage him in areas where he doesn’t feel secure and let him know you stand behind him. When he makes a decision you’re not in favor of, listen. Talk about his positive strengths in front of the children. Praise him at least once a day. Discover the uniqueness of his personality and learn to understand him and communicate better with him. Accept his maleness and celebrate the differences that come from this.             Now ask yourself which of these you did this past month in an effort to show your husband respect. Then, ask yourself how you’ll find ways to do these things in the coming month and beyond.               Want to give your husband a gift that keeps on giving this Father’s Day? Then, give him what God has commanded you to give him – R-E-S-P-E-C-T.