257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
(262) 763-3021
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We have purchased land on Highways A & W and are planning to build soon!
Drive by and take a look at our future home!
“I’m single because I was born that way.” Mae West
August 2nd, 2009
Recently, the daughter of a friend of mine was tired of being single. Feeling that her options were limited, she decided to use an online dating service.
That’s not unusual today. Over 40% of married couples first meet via an online dating service. She met someone online and they chatted for several months, finally deciding to meet. Her father, a very wise man, asked her if he could interview the young man. He also called the young man’s pastor, asking some probing questions. Ultimately, the couple met and all seemed to go well until the young man headed home (several hundred miles away). He wanted the relationship to move along much faster than she did and wanted more commitment from her. She pointed out that they hardly knew each other and she wasn’t ready to make any greater commitment at this time. To make a long story short, this infuriated this young man. He even threatened to harm himself. It turned out he had a history of struggling with depression (which both my friend and his daughter knew prior to his visiting). Ultimately, he safely returned home but the relationship that at first appeared to be a match made in heaven terminated faster than you can download a song on iTunes.
Now I’m not suggesting online dating is wrong or even unwise. I do believe that as with other aspects of our ever expanding Information Age, one must have a Biblical worldview and be discerning...or you’re headed for a full systems crash. The fact is that dating has always been risky. To be candid, there are probably not a lot more risks in Internet dating than there were for me dating in Bible college. Dating in Bible college meant dating individuals whom I had no context for. I didn’t know the families or family histories of the individuals I was dating, and they didn’t know mine.
It’s a bit like buying a used car. You’re at the mercy of the salesman as to the history and true condition of the car. A wise buyer never takes things at face value but checks things out for themselves and also gets input from knowledgeable friends. As Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (KJV).
Over the years I’ve taught guidelines for Christian dating to teens. Single adults need those same guidelines. #1 is never, ever date an unbeliever. After trusting Christ as Savior, the most important decision most of us will ever make is: Who will I choose for my life partner? That’s why you should only “date a potential mate.” If you couldn’t marry that person, don’t date them...even once. Dating has one primary purpose – to find a life partner. That’s why I discourage one on one teen dating, or having a boyfriend or girlfriend prior to high school graduation. Dating in high school is like shopping at 7-11. It’s a very limited selection with too high of a price.
Then, you’re not ready to date unless you’ve worked out, based on Scripture, your convictions about dating. It’s best to write them down. The time to determine your convictions is not at the end of a romantic evening.
In our sex saturated culture too many believers have forgotten that God has a wonderful plan for sexual intimacy BUT it’s for marriage and marriage alone! Even secular studies show that violating God’s plan brings unnecessary baggage and heartache to the marriage. Our day of instant gratification has jettisoned a vital fact – anything worthwhile is usually worth waiting for.
If you decide to do online dating, use a reputable Christian service. Make sure too that you take appropriate safety precautions when meeting people online, especially in person. Just because someone claims to be a Christian doesn't mean that he/she is honest or trustworthy. Also, don’t date someone who is not involved in a local church. A local church is God’s plan for spiritual growth and accountability. Then, pray, take your time, use common sense, and ask the advice of spiritually mature friends or family members.
Ironically, one of the worst things about Internet dating is the sheer number of people you can meet. That can negatively impact your dating practices. When searching through pages of smiling singletons, it’s easy to subconsciously slip into consumer mode. With other purchases, you comparison shopped, hold out for the most eye-catching bargain, even checked other customers' ratings. While using a savvy and discerning eye when perusing potential matches on the web is a must, it can go too far. It’s easy to forget you’re not communicating with a “product,” but with another image-bearer of God. It’s easy to start looking for someone a tad more educated, better looking, articulate, funny, and seemingly spiritual. With so many options, pickiness seems only natural. You can easily pass up on someone with godly character who may not be as physically attractive for the chance of an even greater one waiting just a few more clicks away. Sure, with matters of the heart we need to be choosy, but with people (not products) we need to look for deeper qualities. Not just flashy packaging, but the traits that require a closer look—such as character, integrity, honor and a pure heart.
Finally, before you meet this person, consider having a godly, mature friend interview them doing a “background” check. As your pastor, I take your spiritual protection very seriously. As my friend did for his daughter, I have no problem asking some tough questions graciously. In our autonomous age that might sound a bit strange but look at the other side. If someone wouldn’t want to be interviewed by your pastor who has your best interest at heart maybe that says a lot about who they really are.
Marriage is a commitment and a sacrifice. Few singles really understand the life-long responsibility that comes with it. If you're going to be committed to this person for the rest of your life, you need to make sure you really know them inside and out. While God’s plan is usually marriage, it’s not His plan for everyone. There are a lot worse things than being single and lonely, being unhappily trapped in a bad marriage is far, far worse than being single.
