257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
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“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”
Peter Ustinov
February 14th, 2010
Today is Valentine’s Day and many couples will take the step of matrimony. Unlike years gone by, few if any will leave their reception with a shower of rice. By the mid-1990s, it was thought that uncooked rice would kill unsuspecting birds. Ironically, there is no truth to the idea that rice is a threat to birds. Miyoko Chu, a Cornell University ornithologist, has stated that there are no documented cases of birds dying as a result of eating rice. She says, "In fact, house sparrows, red-winged blackbirds and bobolinks eat it all the time in the wild."
Weddings and marriage are surrounded by many myths. If a whole country can be duped by misinformation about rice, how many more people are being confounded by the idea that when they get married, they will live happily ever after; no arguing or fighting, because, let’s face it, they are madly in love, and they will have the perfect marriage. Those of us who are married can vouch for this perfect bliss, can’t we? Many of you are already thinking, “Only in your dreams!”
For example, Alicia thought she had the perfect fiancé. As she was getting to know Michael and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other. "They’re so thoughtful," Alicia said. "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning." After a time, Alicia and Michael were engaged, and then married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Alicia again remarked on Michael’s loving parents and his mom’s morning coffee in bed. "Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?" "It sure does," replied Michael. "But you should know – I take after my mom."
When the honeymoon is over, and weeks give way to months which give way to years, the love that once burned hotly has more times than not become a weak flame. So what’s happened? Where has the love gone? Many wish they could make it like it first was. The Valentine dreams are still there, they’ve just been covered over by the mire of our own sin and selfishness.
So what can be done to make our Valentine dreams come true...to rekindle the flame in our marriage? God’s Word always provides the answer. Scripture is full of rich insights of rekindling the Valentine dream. Let me just share some basic suggestions right out of Philippians 2.
Encourage each other, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ” (2:1a). Do you consistently seek to encourage your mate and share affirming words? Someone noted, "Man doesn’t live by bread alone. He also needs buttering up." There are high spots in all of our lives that each of us can look back on, and most of them have come through encouragement from someone else. All of us need praise every now and then, to know somebody is behind us even if we fail or really blow it. Do you encourage your mate? Do you praise him or her in small things? After all, he or she is a special gift from God to be praised and encouraged in every endeavor. Encourage your mate, and watch as your Valentine Dream flickers more brightly.
Comfort each other, “if any comfort from His love” (2:1b). Do you consistently seek to give comfort to your spouse? Over the years I’ve seen spouses bring comfort to their mate who is fighting a long term illness, often terminal. They give up much of their sleep just to be available. Many of them care for children and work each day while being a nurse during their free time. They take their vows seriously. Often, it’s not that drastic. It’s just a hug after a tough day or someone to pat us on the arm to let us know that we are not alone...that there is hope. That kind of love is the type that makes Valentine Dreams come true. Most of us need to learn better how to bring comfort to those who are most special to us. Comfort draws two people together like nothing else can.
Spend time with each other, “if any fellowship with the Spirit” (2:1c). Fellowship is a word that we use a lot but often don’t really understand. One element is vital for fellowship: Time! Spending time together is so important for any relationship, including marriage! Every now and then someone will say something like, “It’s not the quantity, but the quality of time that really counts.” Simply defined, that statement means that one can make up for having minimal moments with his/her spouse by making certain that the time they do have is quality time. And it is possible to spend much time together that’s seemingly meaningless. All of us experience times when we are at home physically but our minds are wandering miles away. It takes lots of time – huge quantities of time, though, to be silly, to share a secret, to heal a hurt, to kiss away a tear. Couples must find time in their busy schedules, to get away from the kids, and just spend time together. Without time together, the Valentine dream will not flourish.
Be tender and compassionate with each other, “if any tenderness and compassion” (2:1d). So what is tenderness? It’s being kind to each other. As the Greek dramatist, Sophocles, once remarked, “Kindness will always attract kindness.” Most marriages would be a lot better if both spouses would flavor acts of kindness into the mix of every day life.
Adam and Eve had the world’s only perfect marriage. She couldn’t talk about the man she might have married and he couldn’t complain that his mother was a better cook. Being kind to your spouse might be difficult to do at times but the more kindness you give, the closer your Valentine Dream will come true. And isn’t that what it’s really all about? To give encouragement, comfort, fellowship, kindness, and compassion to each other in order to invigorate Valentine Dreams. The question we need to ask ourselves periodically is, "Is my behavior in my marriage the kind of behavior that puts a smile on the face of my Savior?” Friend, if you do that, you will truly have a fulfilling marriage! And each day, you decide on whether to enrich your marriage, or tear it down. Valentine Dreams can come true. It’s really up to you!