257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105
(262) 763-3021
|
|
We have purchased land on Highways A & W and are planning to build soon! Drive by and take a look at our future home!
“The little unremembered acts of kindness and love are the best parts of a person's life.” William Wordsworth
June 27th, 2010
This next week Jane and I will celebrate twenty-seven years of marriage. Like all couples Jane and I have had our ups and downs...and we still have our struggles. But I can honestly say that I love her more today than I did when I said “I do” back in 1983. Jane is truly my best friend. Jane and I have never done a second honeymoon and while we celebrate events like our anniversary, birthdays and Valentine’ Day, we are anything but extravagant. Please understand that I am not anti-romance or love, I just know that most couples would gain a lot more in their marriage, if instead of putting a lot of time, money and effort in one or two days a year – they worked instead at being kind every day. Over the years I’ve seen couples go all out for an anniversary or Valentine’s Day with flowers, candy, fancy dinners, special gifts or even a get-away. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, yet many of those couples would gain so much more in their relationship...if they would just seek to be kind to one another every day.
The fact is that the longer we’re married, the more we tend to take one another for granted. Now that I’m part of the over the hill gang, let me share some of my own personal observations that I’ve seen in decades of pastoring. These are not absolutes, just things that are generally true. Let me start with the ladies first.
Criticism. While there is such a thing as positive criticism, most of it tends to be just petty. It’s often over things that are insignificant and are subjective. One survey found that wives said something negative ten times more often than they said something positive. This seems to be what Solomon was referring to, “a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping” (Prov. 19:13).
Ladies, let me encourage you over the course of this next week, keep track of how many negative things you say compared to how many positive. The results may shock you. If you find that you are saying more things that are negative, by God’s grace, seek to reverse the trend.
If it could go without saying, it probably should. I am not suggesting that we close our eyes to sin but there are many things that are just so trivial. Periodically, I’ll catch a TV show where critics evaluate how the “stars” are dressed for a certain event. It’s all subjective and much of it is driven by pride. We somehow think our viewpoint has more value than the viewpoints of others.
Complaining. One of the very worst things that a wife can do is to complain about her husband to others, even if it’s their children. A man’s public image is very important to him. Most men need to be affirmed. They get beat up pretty bad in the workplace, where it’s never quite good enough. Again, let me quote Solomon “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike” (Prov. 27:15 NASV). Too often we just get in the habit of complaining...about nearly everything. Let’s be honest. Most of us have it pretty good! One that just breaks my heart is complaining about the children. I know that children can be naughty and a lot of work, but who among us would like to continually hear what a hassle and a burden we are. Over 10% of women today struggle with infertility. Many of them would swap places to be a Mom in a heartbeat.
None of us enjoy being around whiny children, so why do we think that a whiny adult is any more attractive? As believers, we have so much for which to be thankful. In fact, heaven will be spent praising God. Let’s get in practice down here by praising Him and those closest to us.
So now that I’ve stepped on the toes of the high heel gender, let me take a jab at the fellows.
Cranky. James writes, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (1:19). A lot of men don’t blow their stack (though some do), they’re just irritable. They’re short with their wives, their children...and nearly everyone else. The littlest thing can set them off...a slow driver, a missed green light, even the phone.
We all know that it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, but some guys seem to have a perpetual frown on their face. Sadly, the result is that others start dodging them. Living with them is a bit like walking through a mine field...you’re never quite sure what will set them off. Even a pregnant sigh can communicate irritation. And tragically, some men are actually proud of their crankiness. They wear it like a badge of honor, that it somehow makes them more manly. It doesn’t!
As believers, we’re to seek to be winsome and attractive. People should want to be around us because if they dodge us, how can we ever share our faith with them? A valid measure of a godly husband and father is that our spouses and children look forward to spending time with us.
Complacent. Let me quote Solomon again, this time though from Ecclesiastes, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom” (9:10). A lot of men “die” long before their time. Once they get home from work and settle in their lazy boy, wild horses couldn’t move them. Many of their wives also work or care for children all day but somehow they feel that they’ve “earned” the right to just veg. Often, there is a long list of projects that they never quite get to because they’re just so tired. Going out with another couple or even just getting together with a group of guys requires way too much effort for them. Their biggest goal in life is their own comfort which results in complacency and apathy. What they don’t realize, though, is that seemingly little acts of kindness, like running errands, doing a load of laundry, repairing a broken fixture, or even attending a game, have large returns and count for eternity.
As I look back over my life, I cannot recall a time when I regretted being too kind. Unfortunately, I have too many memories of when I was not. I’m thankful the grace of God covers it all and by that same grace, I am seeking to be kinder every day! Enjoy your anniversary...enjoy your special times away together, remembering that a healthy marriage is cultivated by the little kindnesses day in and day out.
