Grace Church
257 Kendall Street
Burlington, WI 53105

(262) 763-3021

Following Jesus means knowing how to deal with difficult people John 2:1-11 Following Jesus without Freaking out Sermon 05 Have you picked out your Mother’s Day card yet? If you haven’t, you’ll probably find that the selection is pretty picked over. I probably wouldn’t go with an Internet card. That’s just a sure sign that you completely forgot.   Are you like me? Sometimes I just can’t find the right card and sometimes the triteness of the cards available drives me around the bend. They just don’t say what I really want to say.   Now these are not Mother’s Day appropriate but someone came up with slogans for cards you’ll never see at a Hallmark store: “Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...What was I thinking?!” “I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...After having met you, I've changed my mind.” “As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...that you're not here to ruin it for me.” “As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...” “When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.” “We have been friends for a very long time...What do you say we call it quits?” “I'm so miserable without you...It's almost like you're here.” “You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.” “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” Please don’t send anyone one of those cards. The fact is that there are a lot of difficult people and we all know some. We all deal with them. Aren’t you glad that God’s Word touches every area of our lives, even on how to deal with difficult people? Jesus dealt with His share and He models for us how to deal with them. This morning we’re in sermon #5 of our series, Following Jesus. Following Jesus means that we know how to live in this world. That logically means that Following Jesus means knowing how to deal with difficult people. So if you’re taking notes… 1. Jesus models for us how to deal with inappropriate family members. When a doctor remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily reddish complexion, the patient responded, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come on now," the physician said, "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" The patient sighed, "You just gotta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"   Most of us have some stress in our family relationships. So did Jesus. Our families know what buttons to push better than anyone else. My Bible is open to John 2:1-11 (p. 751). Jesus models for us that even in our families…   a) Jesus maintained His adult identity. There are some things you just don’t want to have happen at a wedding! This Wedding at Cana was a social disaster in the making. Weddings in that part of the world are different than here. Indian Weddings involve nine meals over three days with several sets of clothing for the bride and groom - all the responsibility of the bride’s family. Jewish weddings were, and are, a big deal in the Jewish culture. The wedding ceremony would take place late in the evening after a time of feasting. The father of the bride would take his daughter on his arm, and with the wedding party in tow, would parade through the streets of the village so that everyone could come out and congratulate the bride. Finally the wedding party would arrive at the home of the groom. The wedding actually took place in the front door of the groom’s house. It wasn’t a short ceremony. The festivities lasted for days, even a week. It was a time of great celebration.   The groom’s family was expected to provide all the refreshments for this week of festivities, but in the midst of this great celebration they ran out of wine! Not just the good wine but all of the wine! It’d be like McDonald’s running out of hamburgers. The wine runs out and Mary, Jesus’ mother, realizes the gravity of this faux pas. You can hear it in her words, “They have no wine.” She’s not just stating a fact, like “it’s raining.” There’s an agenda here. We know that because of Jesus’ response, “Dear woman, why do you involve me?...My time has not yet come.”   J. Vernon McGee suggests Mary is asking that Jesus at last vindicate her reputation that He is indeed the Son of God. I’m not sure but it’s apparent that she wanted Him to do something about it, and probably something miraculous. Jesus is not disrespectful but He does not lose Who He is. His use of the “woman” in addressing His mother seems harsh and abrupt but it was a common term. It would be the form of address that He would use from the cross to commend her in the Apostle John’s care (John 19:26).   But He’s modeling something for us. Jesus’ response seems to be setting some boundaries in His relationship with his mother. For many years (Jesus is now 30 years old) she has raised Jesus as her son. It is a gentle reminder that He’s an adult and while He is respectful, He has His own adult identity, personhood and motives.   That’s tough for both parents and children. It should be easier when our children get married. There the Bible is very clear that a new home and family is being established by the marriage. One of the foundations of a healthy marriage is “leaving” the family of origin (Genesis 2:24).   But Jesus is a single adult who up until now has been living at home. Even for a single adult, there must be adult responsibility and identity. It’s vital for both parents and an adult child that those be in place and we respect those boundaries. And it’s a two-way street. Parents need to treat an adult child as an adult, and that adult child needs to act like an adult.   b) Jesus did not allow criticism or skepticism to cause Him to lose who He was. A pastor spoke to a Sunday school about the things money can’t buy. “It can’t buy laughter and it can’t buy love” he told them. Driving his point home he said, “What would you do if I offered you $1,000 not to love your mother and father?” Stunned silence ensued. Finally a small voice queried, “How much would you give me not to love my big sister?”   Do you have problems…some stress with your siblings? So did Jesus? Turn to John 7:1-5 (p. 756). Most Bible scholars think that Jesus had at least six younger brothers and sisters. Now for a parent, having a perfect child may seem like a real attractive idea, but put yourself in a child's shoes for a moment. Can you imagine living under the same roof with the only perfect brother who had ever lived? He always did His homework, always did His chores, never forgot to clean His room or take out the garbage when it was His turn. And He was the oldest. What an act to follow? Mary and Joseph were human and thus very normal. I have to think that at least once or twice, they slipped into comparison and said, "Why can't you be more like your older brother, Jesus?" Because of Jesus' perfection, I'm sure that His siblings admired Him and respected Him. But because of their humanity, I'm sure that they also resented Him and envied Him.   Frequently, we do not “grow out” of family roles, we just “grow up into them." That may have been the case with Jesus' brothers. Here in John 7, they’re mocking and ridiculing Him. They think that Jesus is nuts.   But, and this is the critical part, Jesus did not let their opinions distract Him or discourage Him from Who He really was. Later we know that both James and Jude trusted Him as Savior, wrote two of our New Testament books and were martyred for their faith. If Jesus had followed their advice, it would have meant at least jail or a premature death sentence. But look at His response, vss. 7-10. Jesus does decide it’s time to go to Judea, but not on the terms of the brothers. He set His own schedule and agenda.   Some of you have hurt feelings or even bitterness toward a sibling. Do you know why? Often it is because you are allowing them to pressure or manipulate you – and you are losing who God wants you to be. You and I, to be free, must live for an audience of One. Proverbs 16:7 says, “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies live at peace with him.” Get some mature backbone and do what pleases the Lord and if that ticks your family off, let it be their problem.   c) Jesus did not neglect His Biblical responsibilities. One of the most important discoveries of adulthood is knowing what you are responsible for and what you are not responsible for. Having a good handle on this is very freeing. Jesus, as the oldest son, was responsible for the care of His mother, Mary. That’s why, even when He was dying on the Cross, Jesus gave the care of His mother over to His disciple John. “When Jesus saw His mother there, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, ‘Dear woman, here is your son,’ and to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ From that time on, this disciple took her into his home” (John 19:26-27).   Scripture outlines for us what our familial responsibilities are. We need to do what the Lord has commanded us to do when it comes to our families. For example, Exodus 20:12, does not have an age limit, “Honor your father and your mother…” I am always to honor them yet once I reach adulthood, the relationship changes so that we are now peers.   As Jesus deals with both His mother and siblings, He models for us how to deal with our family, even when they are inappropriate. 2. Jesus models for us how to deal with inappropriate friends. Bronwyn Polson said, “Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!” Punk Rockers, Blink 182, have a darker view of friendship, “When I needed you most when I needed a friend, you let me down now like I let you down then.” Do you have friends like that? Fair weather friends. Jesus did.   Though we often don’t think of it, Jesus had a lot of friends. Just as our friends can often disappoint us or even hurt us, Jesus had the same problem with His friends.   a) Jesus had friends who said the wrong thing. Remember Peter told Jesus that He shouldn’t go to the Cross. On one occasion James and John wanted to call fire down on village that they felt had mistreated them.   We’ve all had friends who say bigoted, mean things, share a secret, betray a confidence, make cruel, cutting sarcastic remarks, even gossip about us. So how do we handle it?   Jesus rarely just let it go. If something hurts or is inappropriate, it needs to be dealt with. As their friend, He truly lived out Proverbs 27:6, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.” We wrongly think that being someone’s friend means avoiding any confrontation or conflict. But injuries left untreated in a friendship rarely heal but only fester. That’s true in the friendship of marriage as well.   Jane and I try to be very careful about sharing things about our marriage with others. Because our schedule has been really nutso of late, Jane forgot about an appointment. Now that’s something that I’m more apt to do but Jane rarely does. So I thought it was funny and opened my big mouth…and Jane was hurt. But she didn’t fester, she graciously told me.   That’s what Jesus did. He’d correct the wrong things that His friends would say. And sometimes, as in the case of Peter, He would rebuke. Now I don’t think any of us are ever going to say to a friend what Jesus did when Peter told Him that He shouldn’t go to the Cross, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men” (Matt. 16:23). But if someone is truly our friend, we must be willing to say the tough stuff.   b) Jesus had friends who were complainers and critics. Christian author,Max Lucado, has an insightful label for complainers. He calls them, “Missionaries of misery.” And they are. Jesus had Missionaries of misery friends too. That’s been a problem through the ages but as our world moves further and further into darkness, it’s gotten worse. And too many believers have been infected with the missionaries of misery virus. Think about this. When was the last time you heard a “good” news story reported in the media? Rehearse the conversations that you had yesterday…even trivial conversations at the store or at a restaurant, were they praising or complimenting…or were they critical, negative or complaining? How about here at church? Do you find that you’re typically engaged in a conversation that is edifying or negative? Hopefully, you aren’t the missionary of misery. Thomas was. He could see the dark side of any situation. He reversed the old song, Home on the Range, to be, “never is heard an encouraging word.” He was a fatalist who expected the worst and wouldn’t even believe that Jesus had risen from the grave until he had stuck his finger in Jesus’ wounds.   Even after seeing Jesus heal people and turn the water into wine, none of His disciples believed that He could do anything about a hungry crowd. After He had fed 5000, when the situation happened again, they still didn’t get it…and Jesus had to repeat the miracle. Listen to Philip in John 6:7, “Eight months’ wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” Obviously, Judas was the ultimate pessimist and ended up betraying the Lord because of His lack of faith.   So how did Jesus handle missionaries of misery? Well, He never let them set the agenda. Often He basically ignored them and went ahead and proved them wrong. Other times He would use their negativity as an opportunity for exhortation and instruction. But with Judas, the situation was hopeless and Jesus just let him go and die in his negativity. Sometimes for the health of our own souls, we have to let a relationship die. The person is just too deadly for our own spiritual health to be around.   c) Jesus had friends who got Him into messes. Peter got Jesus into a mess. Matthew 17:24-27 records the account for us. “After Jesus and His disciples arrived in Capernaum, the collectors of the two-drachma tax came to Peter and asked, ‘Doesn’t your teacher pay the temple tax ?’ ‘Yes, He does,’ he replied. When Peter came into the house, Jesus was the first to speak. ‘What do you think, Simon?’ He asked. ‘From whom do the kings of the earth collect duty and taxes—from their own sons or from others?’ ‘From others,’ Peter answered. ‘Then the sons are exempt,’ Jesus said to him. ‘But so that we may not offend them, go to the lake and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four-drachma coin. Take it and give it to them for My tax and yours’.” It’s no accident that Matthew the former tax collector records this tax story. But Peter answering when he didn’t really know entangles Jesus in a situation that Jesus should never have been entangled in. Sometimes our friends get us into messes, and a true friend will do what Jesus did…try to get us both out of the mess.   d) Jesus had friends who betrayed Him. We know that Peter denied the Lord but the other disciples with the exception of John forsook Him. It hurts to be betrayed, to get stabbed in the back, particularly by the ones that we think are our friends.   Fed up with back stabbers, Joey Beahm went to a tattoo parlor to turn his frustration into skin art. He paid $100 to get a tattoo of a knife going into his back with the words, “Why not, everyone else does.” Now a martyr’s complex is tempting but Jesus truly lived in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” After Peter repented, Jesus restored and forgave him (John 21:15-19).   It’s easier and more tempting to keep score, to let a friendship die BUT it’s more costly. We are most Christlike when we forgive and seek to restore the relationship…and it’s harder. 3. Jesus models for us how to deal with enemies. Professor Fred Craddock was teaching an undergraduate course in Oklahoma on the Gospels of Jesus. He was taking the simple writings of Jesus and putting them plainly in front of his students. There was a girl sitting in the back of the class, and as he came to the part about loving your enemies, she stood up and started slamming her books all around. She started mumbling, "Jesus and the losers. I hate Jesus and the losers. I can't stand this." She stuffed her bag and went out still mumbling, "Jesus and a bunch of losers, forgiving their enemies."   So was Jesus a big loser? How did He handle His enemies? He had enemies criticize His every move and word. When He healed the lame or sick, they found fault. They picked at His words. They conspired to kill Him, falsely accused Him and ultimately murdered Him.   How did Jesus handle them? Well, He taught us, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matt. 5:43-48).   Jesus loved them. He dialogued with them and pointed out their errors. He warned others about them and even scorched them with rebukes but in the end, He stretched out His arms and died for them.   Let me share a wonderful contemporary illustration of Christians following Jesus’ example. On April 28, 1999, just eight days after the Columbine shooting, shock rock singer Marilyn Manson was scheduled to perform a concert in Iowa City, Iowa. Since Manson’s music was prominent in the lives of Columbine killers, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, there was a lot of emotion surrounding his concert. Mark Forstrom, a local Youth Minister in the area wrote about what happened. He wrote:   The police, the media, and the community began to prepare for angry protests and ugly brawling between Christians and Marilyn Manson supporters. Suddenly, something totally unexpected happened. Emerging thru the vehicle of e-mail, another local movement suddenly sprang to life—that the only way to truly change our moral climate is to soften hard hearts. (The hearts of Manson fans have been hardened by their perception that Christians are mean-spirited, hateful, and judgmental.) Thus, the idea was birthed to unravel that stereotype by encouraging Christians to show the pure LOVE of Christ to these fans in tangible ways. Concert day finally arrived, and tension filled the community. The media geared up for an ugly battle between Manson fans and the Christian opposition. Instead, what they observed here was an amazing testament to the power of and love of Christ! Scores of Christians from churches all over Linn County and as far away as Des Moines (2 hours away) converged on the sidewalks outside the Five Seasons Center, to do two POSITIVE things: pray, and to show unmistakable love. It was a sight to behold. Groups conducted "prayer walks" around the arena. People prayed in huddles on the sidewalk. Churches around the city held special prayer meetings. As for showing love to the fans…One church purchased 100 pizzas, which were freely given away to the fans in line and bystanders. Cookies and over 1,200 cans of soda were purchased or donated and distributed. Someone made turkey and cheese sandwiches and gave them away. One pastor asked Manson fans who passed by how he could pray for them--about 20 shared specific things and were prayed for on the spot. After the concert, about $200 in cash (collected mostly by a local youth group) was given out to pay for parking in the parking ramp. The Christians involved said, "We’re Christians and we’d like to show you God’s love by paying for your parking tonight." The immediate results of this love in action were phenomenal. And people continually asked, "Why are you doing this?" and then listened to the answer. Two "live" radio reporters (one inside the stadium and one outside) discussed--on the air--how preferable it was to be outside with the generous Christians. At least three people gave their lives to Christ through the loving care of the Christians. At least one other fan that we know of chose not to go to the concert, ending up in church the following Sunday. After getting the pizza, one kid commented, "Wow, Marilyn Manson never gave me anything!" A Marilyn Manson web-site, reporting on our Christian response admitted, "so maybe those Christians aren’t half bad!" As for the concert itself, we saw God work a miracle there as well. After only an hour, Manson abruptly ended the concert early. He suddenly flew into a rage: he threw his microphone to the ground, and stormed off the stage, never to return! So to summarize the totality of Marilyn Manson’s visit to Cedar Rapids, we might say this: many fans came to the concert convinced that Christians were irritating and that Marilyn Manson was impressive and many left the concert feeling that Marilyn Manson was irritating and that Christians were impressive! Think of how much closer to the kingdom thousands of kids might be as a result of this unforeseen outreach event. Conclusion: Jesus had difficult people in His life…we all do. So how do we handle them? It’s WWJD…what would Jesus do? There is no pat answer or formula. The honest answer is – it depends. Let me end this morning with some practical suggestions:   a) By God’s grace, speak the truth in love, Ephesians 4:15.   b) Ask God for wisdom in responding to difficult people, James 1:5-6.   c) Ask the Lord for grace to respond on love, not anger or vengeance,   Romans 12:17-21.   d) Ask the Lord to fill your heart with His peace, “the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace” (Rom. 8:6). e) Ask the Lord to forgive the difficult person through you. Paul wrote in Colossians 3:13 “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”   The fact is that we’re all going to deal with difficult people. Jesus is our model for how to do it in a way that honors the Lord and help us keep that “peace that passes all understanding.”