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Family: The ties that bind…and gag!
Genesis 37:1-11
Sermon 01
September20th, 2009
Do you ever feel like you’ve just got too much drama in your life? A recent hit song goes like this:
So tired…Tired of all this drama
You go your way
I go my way (no more, no more)
Broken heart again
Another lesson learned
Better know your friends
Or else you will get burned
Gotta count on me
Cuz I can guarantee that I'll be fine
No more pain (no more pain)
No more pain (no more pain)
No drama (no more drama in my life, no ones gonna make me hurt again)
No more in my life.
Hip hop singer, Mary Blige, penned those words in her popular song, No More Drama. She relates that the inspiration for No More Drama came largely from her own confused, crazy life. She confessed to living a life of alcohol and drug abuse, and of getting involved in a series of abusive relationships. The album was an attempt to break free from this vicious circle, which was a result of a deprived childhood.
Many of us can relate. When it comes to family, many of us feel that there sure is a lot of drama, a lot of pain. Drama and pain in family relationships is not new. It goes all the way back to the Garden.
In a famous study by Victor and Mildred Goertzel, Cradles of Eminence, the home backgrounds of 700 highly successful people were investigated. These 700 subjects had made it to the top. They were men and women whose names everyone would recognize as brilliant in their fields; Franklin D. Roosevelt, Helen Keller, Winston Churchill, Albert Schweitzer, Clara Barton, Gandhi, and Einstein. This intensive investigation into their early home lives yielded some very surprising findings. Three fourths of these leaders came from homes where there was extreme poverty, a broken home, or rejecting, overpossessive, or dominating parents. 74 of 85 the famous writers and 16 out of the 20 poets came from homes where, as children, they saw intense psychological drama played out by their parents. Physical handicaps such as blindness, deafness, or crippled limbs characterized over one-fourth of the sample. So how did these individuals go on, then, to such outstanding accomplishments? While there are many reasons, one is that they took personal responsibility for their lives. They chose to be victors, not victims.
This morning we’re beginning the study of a young man who shouldn’t have made it, who humanly speaking should have been another statistic. My Bible is open to Genesis 37 (p. 28), vss. 1-11.
Joseph is one of the “Big Four” of the Hebrew patriarchs in the book of Genesis. The others are his great-grandfather, Abraham; his grandfather, Isaac and his father, Jacob. But while God appears and speaks to the other three, He never appears or speaks to Joseph. Joseph’s life demonstrates the invisible hand of God, the same One that you and I experience. Joseph’s life is a bright light in a dark day reminding us of the sovereignty of God and our own personal responsibility. God’s providence is at work here.
Providence. That’s a word you don’t hear very often. The word comes from the Latin, providentia. Pro means “before” or “ahead of time”; videntia means “to see,” from which we get our word “video.” Put them together and you have “seeing ahead of time.” And that’s what God does. He sees the events of life ahead of time—something which we of course can never do. We’re great at history. Our hindsight is 20/20, but we’re lousy at the future. We have no clue as to what will happen one minute from now, but God, in His providence, is continually, constantly, and confidently at work in the future. Someone defined providence as, The Hand behind the headlines.
God’s providence is why they story of Joseph has been called the Old Testament Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” With our Sovereign God there is no accident or chance. Man proposes, God disposes. Others may mistreat us but God is still on the throne, directing human affairs, able to use even the most vicious and diabolical acts against us to accomplish His divine will.
Joseph’s life goes nose to nose against a commonly accepted contemporary lie – the victim mentality. His life powerfully demonstrates that while children may be victims, adults are volunteers. Joseph never should have made it. Just recently, someone who meant well, told me it’s better to abort babies than have them grow up in horrible homes where they’re abused and brutalized. Joseph’s life flies against such flawed reasoning. He wonderfully reminds us that even amongst the Family Ties that bind…and gag, God is God and His plans cannot be frustrated. If you’re taking notes this morning…
1. God's plans are not frustrated by a misunderstanding of His choice. Most of us are familiar with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s powerful speech, I have a dream. Creative people often credit dreams for their discoveries. Most of us have dreams. Maybe you have nightmares after eating too many burritos. Many authors and preachers use Joseph as an example that we all need to have dreams or goals for the future, but that’s not what is going on here. Dreams are often irrelevant, silly, and overblown. This is not a dream like you and I have, this is a Divine Revelation. God is directly speaking to Joseph and revealing things to him that would otherwise be unknown. This is God choosing Joseph to be His man.
How many seventeen year olds do you know by name? How many teens or children are even mentioned in Scripture? We have no idea how old Joseph’s siblings are. We’re never told. When the writer identifies Joseph as “a young man of seventeen,” he’s drawing our attention to Joseph. This is significant. The central focus of the rest of this passage of Scripture is on Joseph’s two dreams. They were given to him, even though he and no one else recognizes it, by God. Joseph is God’s choice for leadership. This is God’s call on his life…and no one gets it, not even Joseph. In fact, as we’ll see, the response was not, “Praise the Lord for choosing Joseph!” it was “Who do you think you are!!” God’s choice was met with resentment, jealousy, hatred and murderous rage.
But they should have recognized it. The word “dream” is used 23 times in the book of Genesis, yet it is only used 42 other times in the rest of Scripture. Dreams were often used by God to reveal His will during this time of the Patriarchs. Remember Daddy Jacob’s heavenly ladder? Dreams were God’s revelation at this point in time. Why? Because those early believers did not have a written revelation. We don’t need God to speak to us in dreams today, we have God’s Word, we have a completed Revelation. Yet, if you do a Google search of these words, “God gave me a dream…” you’ll find tons of folk claiming God spoke to them in a dream. While we don’t want to put God in a box, God no longer needs to give us dreams. We have a complete Revelation. Dreams are also not how God typically spoke to His people after the Patriarchs. Many who claim that God gave them a dream, share things that are contrary to God’s written Word. Joseph’s dreams are different. They are God’s Revelation and evidence that God has chosen this seventeen year old young man to be His leader.
2. God's plans are not frustrated by a terrible family environment. A census taker knocked on the door of an old cabin in up in the Appalachian mountains. The door was answered by an unkempt skinny 13-year old girl. The census taker asked, "May I speak with your father?" The girl answered, "He ain’t here; he’s been in jail for two years.” The man asked, "Then can I speak with your mother?" The girl responded, "She ain’t here either, she ran off with the moonshiner." The censor taker continued, "Is there an older sister that I can speak with?" "No" she replied, "She married off and lives with her seven kids, down the bottom of the mountain.” The man then asked, "Well, perhaps there’s an older brother I can speak with?" Once more the girl answered, "He ain’t here either, he’s at Harvard." "Harvard?" said the man, "What’s he studying at Harvard?" "Oh, he ain’t studying nothing, they’re studying him!"
Joseph’s family is so out there that they’d make a great case study. Even in our Jerry Springer world, this family is shocking. Before the world heard of soap operas, Joseph’s family was living one. How would you like to grow up in a house with four Moms and one Dad? This home is the original “out to lunch bunch.” And while we can choose our friends, we cannot choose our family.
The term dysfunctional gets a lot of mileage today. It typically refers to a sense of disintegration produced in a family where there is a lot of hurt and unresolved issues. From a Christian perspective it’s a home that’s not functioning as God intended. It could be the result of divorce, lack of communication, rivalry among the children, self consumed parents, addictions, child abuse, sexual abuse, spousal abuse, extramarital affairs, pornography…the list goes on and on. One of the strange dynamics in family life is that when children from dysfunctional homes grow up, they often repeat the mistakes of their families. For most of us, what we know about marriage and parenting for good or bad, we learned in our homes. The end result is that dysfunctional families tend to produce dysfunctional families often for generations. This is at least a part of what God’s Word is speaking of when it says in Numbers 14:18, that God “punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.”
Please note that while living in such a family, it can be very difficult to live for God, it’s not impossible! Joseph is proof that it can be done. Joseph was raised in a home filled with angry, jealous and deceitful people, yet as far as the Biblical record is concerned, Joseph never did anything wrong. Joseph chose to be faithful in a faithless family and we can too. His godly example eradicates the flimsy excuse of those who say things like, “If I wasn’t in this marriage…or in this family…or at this job.” Let me briefly introduce you to the main characters.
a) Daddy Jacob. Jacob was a twin. His parents, Isaac and Rebekah ended up with a strained marriage. They gave in to favoritism with his father, Isaac loving his older brother, Esau and his Mom, Rebekah, loving Jacob.
Jacob was a schemer and deceiver, ultimately deceiving his Dad into giving him the blessing. Esau was incensed and Jacob had to skip town in the middle of the night. Mom sends him to live with her brother, Laban. Uncle Labad wrote the book on deception and dirty deals. Jacob falls in love with his younger daughter, Rachel and Laban cuts a deal, “Work for me seven years and she’s yours.” But after the seven years, he sneaks in her older sister, Leah, on their wedding night. Jacob ends up with both sisters who have a baby competition with Leah popping out seven in a row, Rachel – zip. So Rachel gives Jacob her slave girl, Bilhah, to be his wife and have children by. Bilhah conceives but Leah appears to be done, so she gives Jacob her slave girl, Zilpah, and Jacob has children by her. Four women fighting over one man. Finally, Rachel has a baby – a son – Joseph.
Jacob is the classic passive male. Rather than leading his family and setting the standard, instead, like his father, Isaac, Jacob is a poor example for his family. Unless children volitionally choose they will typically repeat the sins and weaknesses of their parents. Jacob’s other sons did but not Joseph. As we shall see, he consciously chose to do otherwise.
b) Momma Rachel. Now Rachel is a beauty queen but she’s also a thief, a liar, an idolater, a manipulator and a whiner. But she’s still Joseph’s Mom. Tragically, she dies in child birth with his younger brother, Benjamin, when Joseph is just twelve year old.
c) In-laws and Outlaws. Jacob is tired of being his father in-law’s business partner, particularly since Laban keeps the books and changes his wages ten times. So he takes his wives, his kids, his flocks and leaves in the middle of the night to head home. Laban is ticked and chases down Jacob. They work things out but it’s one intense meeting.
But Jacob is heading home only to learn that big brother, Esau is coming with a welcoming party of 400 men. Jacob is terrified. The family was placed in order of importance to meet Esau. How this must have hurt to see who was expendable. No wonder Joseph's brothers hated his guts. Each one knew the pecking order. It turns out that Esau wasn't after revenge. He and Jacob part on friendly terms but the event raised old wounds as well as creating some new ones.
Do you remember a time when your parents were frightened? Can you imagine how Joseph must have felt as a small boy seeing his Dad visibly terrified first of his grandfather, Laban, and then again of his Uncle Esau? No doubt it made an impression on him. God intervenes and protects them but those were unforgettable experiences.
d) Tragedies and sick siblings. Finally, they’re back home in Canaan and Joseph’s older and only sister, Dinah, goes out to meet the other girls in the neighborhood. She’s raped and two of her brothers pull a fast one and execute all the males in the village of Shechem in retaliation. Jacob, rather than dealing with it is more concerned about his public image. And then, Reuben, Jacob’s oldest son, as an insult to his Dad sleeps with his step mother and Rachel’s slave girl, Bilhah. Jacob learns of it but never does anything about it. Though Scripture never tell us the details, we know that there are some serious issues with some of his half brothers. Look at vs. 2. “Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.”
By the time that Joseph had reached the age of seventeen, he’s seen more of the ugly side of family life than most people see in a lifetime. If anyone had an excuse from a human perspective of being a statistic, Joseph did.
3. God’s plans are not frustrated by foolish parents. Growing up in a home with extreme favoritism, like Jacob had, you’d have thought he would have learned his lesson. He hadn’t. Genesis 25:28 says, “Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” I had a boss who used to say, “If you’re going to make mistakes, make new ones.” That’s the advice Jacob needed. You’d have thought that his own painful memories would have kept Jacob from making the same blunder with his own children.
It’s not unusual for parents to struggle with favoritism. We may feel a special affinity for one of our children. Maybe they’re more like us. One girl in a brood of boys or one boy in a brood of girls is going to stick out, or if a child has gone through a serious illness. All of these things can tempt us to favoritism. The problem is not the temptation, it’s the surrender to it. Jacob not only surrenders to it, he celebrates it! Verse 3, “Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him.”
John Ortberg says that when Joseph's elder brothers walked into the tent, Jacob might ask them how the flocks were doing or if they had completed their chores. But when Joseph lifted the tent flap and stood before his aging dad, Jacob's eyes would light up and his face would beam. It was obvious to everyone in the family that Joseph was the favorite! Joseph was the one Jacob bragged about. Joseph got to stay up later, play longer, work less, and get away with more, than any of the other older sons.
Jacob knew how Joseph was doing in school. He never missed one of Joseph's soccer games. Jacob knew all about Joseph's friends, but he was a little fuzzy about these kinds of details when it came to his other children.
To show his special love for Joseph, Jacob gave him a special gift, a coat of many colors, “a richly ornamented robe.” The Hebrew indicates that this garment was sleeved and extended down to the ankles. In other words this colorful, bejeweled robe was not something you’d work in. In Joseph's day when a man went to work he wore a short, sleeveless tunic, something that would keep his arms and legs free. By giving Joseph this elaborate full-length coat, his father was boldly implying, "You can wear this beautiful garment because you don't have to work like your other brothers." It was more than just a fine gift. It set him apart as the favored one, probably indicating that he was to be the family leader and would receive the inheritance. After all Joseph was the first born son of Jacob’s first choice for wife and his first love. Today it would be like Joseph received a hand-tailored coat from Saks Fifth Avenue while the rest of the boys got their clothes off the rack at K-Mart-when the blue light was flashing.
Now God overruled and ultimately uses Jacob’s blunder for His glory and Joseph’s good. And all parents have their faults. Perhaps the reason that Joseph was his favorite child was that he was the son of his one true love, Rachel, as well as the child of his old age. Add to that Reuben, his eldest had sinned against him and slept with his step Mom.
While I’m not excusing Jacob, we must forgive our parents and hope that our children will forgive us for our own blunders and sins. Nothing is more foolish than being bitter at our parents all of our lives. We must remember that God uses even the worst parents to accomplish His will and while we cannot control our circumstances, we are responsible for our response and attitude toward them.
4. God’s plans are not frustrated by family tensions. We’re not sure how he did it, but somehow Jacob missed the predictable outcome. Verse 4, “When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.” Joseph had already had given a bad report about his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah. The text seems to indicate Jacob had made Joseph their superior, so this was not tattling but taking care of his responsibility as supervisor, a role Jacob was not wise to place him in. Some scholars think, too, that since these sons were the children of pagan mothers, they would be more prone to evil, not that any of Jacob’s sons were boy scouts.
To add insult to injury, Jacob gives Joseph this special robe…only affirming what they already felt. It’s interesting that they hated Joseph, not Jacob. Joseph didn’t ask Dad for the robe or his favoritism. He was as much a victim of Dad’s foolishness, as they were.
Picture though Joseph’s position. He’s hated by ten brothers who are grown men, who have wives and children of their own and he’s just a teenager. Two of them are violent murderers, four of them have a reputation for evil, one is a sexual pervert – and they all have one thing in common, they have a common enemy – they hate Joseph. They never have a kind word for him. That’s a PC way of saying that they said as many cruel things as they thought that they could safely get away with.
Joseph’s brothers had a hate ledger. They were keeping score: 1. Ratted us out. 2. Dad’s favorite. 3. Get’s better clothes indicating a better future.
I know a lot of folk who keep a hate or at least, a bitterness ledger. They remember every wrong. We as Christians are to be like our Heavenly Father – we are to forgive and forget. Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Being the number one enemy of this violent mob put Joseph in a precarious position.
5. God’s plans are not frustrated by naïve, even self-absorbed adolescents. Look again at verses 5-11. Joseph had two dreams in which the obvious point was that he would be elevated above his brothers. He told his brothers and then apparently his whole family about those dreams. Some think he was arrogant in doing this. The text doesn’t tell us that. What is true is that Joseph was both naïve and self-absorbed. He’s not paying attention to what’s going on around him, to his brothers’ angry reactions. Three times we’re told that “they hated him.”
But let’s not forget that he’s just seventeen. He simply lacked the wisdom and maturity that come with a few more years of life. To have shared these dreams in confidence with his father or with a trusted older friend may have been wise. To share them with his brothers, who were already threatened by his favored position in the family, was naive and foolish. It doesn’t appear that Joseph shared these dreams to get a reaction out of his brothers. He seems innocent of any wrong motives. Even as he goes to check on them out in the fields later, it’s obvious he doesn’t expect any trouble. He thought they’d be glad to see him. He even wore that hated coat. If he’d had any sense at all he’d have left the coat at home.
I don’t know any adult who can look back on his teenage years and say, “I didn’t do anything dumb.” We’ve all done stupid, immature, naive things in our younger days. It’s part of growing up. Hopefully, if we have wise parents and listen to the counsel of older Christians, we’ll minimize those youthful blunders. But we all do a certain amount of stupid, naive things in our youth, in spite of wise counsel.
But God is sovereign even when teenagers are naive. We know that God gave Joseph these dreams since they were prophetically true. Why didn’t God wait until later, when Joseph would have had the wisdom to keep his mouth shut? I don’t know. But I do know that Joseph’s naïvette didn’t frustrate God’s sovereign plan. While we should seek to live wisely, when we don’t, we can trust that God will overrule and use even the dumb things we did in our earlier years, if we will trust Him and submit to Him.
Conclusion: One half of all of the children born in the US this year will, at some time, during their childhood, be living in a single parent home. The tension brought about by single parent homes, blended families and live-in situations is quite a burden for the next generation. Ours is the day of the fractured family. Many of you grew up in homes like that.
Joseph reminds us that God’s plans are not frustrated by our home lives. He can and will use them for His glory and our good. By God’s grace, you and I can choose to rise above our heredity and environment. As adults, we choose to continue to be victimized, we volunteer.
Looking at Joseph’s family, we’d never have guessed that he would become a giant for God. Whatever the failures of our parents and family, we are not doomed to be destroyed by their destructive influence. And if we cannot look at our earthly parents as a model for Christlikeness, we must choose to break their negative influence by following the model of our Heavenly Father, who loves to free people from the chains of their past.
Like Joseph, our lives are not ruled by fate or chance. Though we may not realize it, we are the objects of God's providential care. We are under His all wise and loving hand. Bible students call this providence, God's constant care for, and absolute rule over all His creation for His glory and the good of His people. Behind the scenes of life stands a sovereign God directing all situations through His gracious providence, working out "everything in conformity with the purposes of his will." There are times when providence is sweet but other times it’s painful.
Joseph’s life screams hope for those of us who are hurting. We're tempted to wonder if God cares, if He’s in control. Yes, he cares, He's in control.
Take Home Truths: Our family ties are designed by God for our ultimate good and God's eternal glory. God was involved in your heritage. Your parents didn't come to you by accident whether they are/were saved or not. Three principles:
* Our family ties do not control us. We're told today that we're the way we are because of how we were raised. That's a lie. Joseph wasn't the victim of a dysfunctional family. God was using it for his good. No one is denying that our family ties impact us but we have a decision to make on our own. God holds us individually responsible for our own actions.
* Our family ties do not limit God's ability to use us. All families face problems. There are no perfect homes. Your past doesn't lock you into failure. On the other hand, your pedigree doesn't give you a free pass either. You might have spiritual advantages but those are no guarantees of success. If you have such thank God for His sovereign mercy and grace…and choose to obey Him.
* Our family ties are no excuse for bitterness. None of us have all the answers to family baggage. Ultimately, we must trust when we cannot see or understand, knowing that God allows us to go through trials to test us. As Deuteronomy 8:2 says, “Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands.” We must trust and obey.
So this is the family that God chose to begin the Jewish nation? How could He bless such a home? The real question is: How can He bless you? How can He bless me? The reality is sin makes us all dysfunctional. Israel didn't deserve God's blessing and neither do we. It’s all of grace, "He saved us…not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace."
* We all need to remember the One who was greater than Joseph, who had a perfect origin but chose to be born into a totally dysfunctional family (the human race), was hated, sold, and even killed, but who has broken the cycle of sin!
Obviously, I’m talking about Jesus. He’s the One to whom Joseph ultimately points. He is the One who offers us the free gift of salvation through His death on the Cross. He’s the One who can free us from our sin and our past…even our Family ties that bind…and gag!
